Where have I been?

After reading my daughter's blog today, I figured I'd better do some catching up. Truth is, you can read nearly everything I have to say on HER blog!!! LOL
She has such a gift with words, and is so good at telling a story that I just pale in comparison. Not that I'm competing with her, but the truth is the truth. I'm very simple minded, and she is very eloquent. Her writings have always been
fabulous, starting way back in grade school. She honestly has a God given talent for it, and it is just one more reason for me to be so very proud of her.

That being said, I will continue with my ramblings. I've been on a very emotional roller coaster for the past couple of weeks. Nothing that I can't work through, it's just hard to do. And in these crazy times, when everyone is always in such a hurry to get where they are going, I am often left feeling alone and empty. My two best friends live hours away from me, and in seperate directions. My friend Lora, is very, very sick right now, and is literally fighting for her life. She is going through the process of being put on the transplant list, needing a new heart and lung. The distance between us is breaking MY heart, because I can't be there to help care for her. Another friend, Cheryl, is also too far away to "run and see her" without it being a weekend trip, at the least. She and her husband are responsible for me having this computer in the first place, it was a gift from them, and I will always cherish their generosity. Ironically, I have this computer to make it easier to keep in touch with Lora! Cheryl and Phil have two beautiful girls, and the oldest is MY God-daughter, and the youngest one is Heather's. How cool is that? But the miles between us makes it nearly impossible to get together. Then there are my parents, who are both in generally good health, and are only 17 miles from me. My Mom comes to spend the day with us once a week, to spend time with James, my precious grandbaby. She and James are becoming very close, and for that I am so thankful. But I don't get over to their house to visit, or to help with things around the house like I should. Now let me tell you about my In-law's.
I honestly don't know where to begin. I love them so much, but am so frustrated with them. And then I get to feeling guilty for getting frustrated, and, you see the vicious circle starting? Dad is almost 93, and is mentally slipping away, and is slipping faster all the time. He lives in a state of confusion all the time now, and when you try to explain something to him, he gets so angry, and accuses us of lying to him. He has nerve damage from a job injury many years ago, which now leaves him feeling like he has bugs crawling on him, mostly at night. So he usually sleeps in his lift chair now, but when he goes to get up in the night, he either forgets or can't get the footrest down to get up. He has fallen a couple of times already, but no injuries, thank God. Now Mom, well, Mom is a whole nother story. She is 79 now, and mentally still pretty sharp, but physically is very weak and frail. I have to take her to the Dr. every Tuesday to have labs drawn, and to get a shot of iron. She is diabetic, but has a horrible sweet tooth, and is constantly eating the wrong foods, which make all of us angry, and worried. She is at home alone with Dad all day, and we just can't get it through her head that she could pass out from bad blood sugars, and then Dad wouldn't know what to do to help her. And my big-hearted Beryl is stuck right in the middle of it all. He is an only child, so he and I are all they have. I admire his willingness to care for them as long as possible, and he does a good job of it, but it has started wearing on HIS health, also. He is up with Dad all hours of the night, and gets very little sleep. These days, 4 hours is a good night for him, and I don't mean 4 hours in a row, they are all in little cat-naps through the night. He is bone tired, and having a VERY hard time coming to grips with the fact that Dad won't be with us much longer. He just can't accept it. He and his Dad are the best of friends, and always have been. That's how Beryl got into the oil-pumping business..........his Dad was a pumper before him. Dad started taking Beryl out into the oilfields with him as a little tot, before he was even 2 yrs. old, and has taught Beryl everything he knows. Now, being an oil pumper is alot of work. Lots of physical labor, and you work 7 days a week, even holidays. Beryl hasn't had a whole day off in almost 12 years, since he went back to work after being burned. Before that he hadn't had a day off in 20 years!!!! So getting him to slow down and take it easy is like pulling a tiger's tooth! Now, on the weekends, he can hurry through, and make good time, and usually get done by noon. And if things are going O.K. with his folks, we try to get out and do something, usually to an auction, or the flea market, and then go do his Mom's grocery shopping for her. But even then, he needs to be home fairly early in the night, to dispense meds, and help with Dad's breathing treatment, etc. There just is no end to his caring for those he loves. That includes me, and Heather, and James. He gets sad sometimes because he hardly gets to see Heather anymore, but their schedules just don't co-incide.
He absolutely adores James, and the two of them are going to be best buddies, you can tell that already. He is so proud to be called "Grandpa", and is always telling his friends about his little "Cooter".
And through it all. I am struggling with the fact that I can't give any of the most precious people in my life the time and attention they deserve. We are all so busy with our own irons in the fire, and I am feeling like we have ALL begun to take each other for granted. None of us knows when we will draw our last breath on this earth, and yet, there is never enough time in the day to spend time with each of them. I am so consious of telling every one of them that I love them each and every time I see them, or even write an e-mail to them, and not one of them knows just HOW MUCH they are truely cherished. I can only pray
(as I do every night) that if it is ME who draws my last breath in my sleep, they will each be left here knowing without a doubt that they were loved so deeply and so completely by someone too simple minded to explain it to them........Me.