Everywhere

Tell me, please, why it is,
That after they're gone.....
Suddenly, everywhere you look,
There they are.............

LOOK, GAMMO, NO PANTS!!!

Good evening to you all! It has been quite hectic around here, so I've not posted in almost a week. I think things are beginning to calm down now, let me see if I can bring you up to date.
Last weekend Beryl and I just needed to get away for a day and do something new, so Sunday he left early for work, and made a flying dash around all of his wells. No problems there, so we headed for Wichita, to the Kansas Colliseum to take in the flea market. FUN! HUGE! But FUN! We spent most of the day there, and found some "treasures". Then we took a new route out of town, and were amazed at how things have changed! The houses and businesses that have sprung up EVERYWHERE! I'm SO glad to live in a small town! Then we went to the cemetery to visit Daddy's gravesite. I hadn't been there since the day of his funeral. Needless to say, I had a major meltdown. NOW it was real. I'm glad Beryl was with me, even though it was hard on him. I needed the wake-up call to force me to begin to move forward. But the strange thing is.........I still don't remember being there the day of the funeral. Maybe someday it will all come back to me, I hope so. But for now my mind must be protecting my heart,
that's the only thing I can think of. Then we went to Mom's and took her out for supper. We had such a good time with her, she and Beryl are such buddies, and
it felt good to act silly again.
Monday was back to the grind again, and by now, I can feel myself getting a sinus headache. Heather and James were still not feeling well. Heather was getting better, but my little baby just didn't feel good. Tuesday was the same thing. Mom was here to spend the day with us, and James acted better, but his little nose was still running like a faucet. I was supposed to go to a baby shower that evening, but still had my headache, so I decided not to go. Good thing, 'cause almost as soon as Heather got home with James that evening, she called me in tears, asking if I could come over there and keep James while they went to the hospital to see a good friend of theirs that had a massive heart attack, and wasn't doing well at all. Of course, I went, and James and I hung out for a bit, and then he got so fussy, so I gave him some tylenol, and rocked him to sleep. I just sat in the rocker for the longest time, holding him, and humming to him. He doesn't let you rock him very often, just when he doesn't feel good, so I just took the opportunity to enjoy it while I could. Then on Wednesday, he just wasn't himself at all. He wouldn't eat OR drink, and felt so lousy, so I called Heather, and she called his doctor, and, of course, they wanted to see him. No problem, right? WRONG!! By then it was POURING down rain, and small hail, and the lightning was CRAZY!! Beryl was here with us, since he couldn't work in the storms, so we started watching the radar, and finally caught a break and headed to the doctors office. I'm so very thankful that he was here to drive us........it was still pouring, and James needed some attention. But we made it, and found out he has his first ear infection. So we went to get his medicine, and came home, and got him started on it, and he finally went down for a nap. Heather got here to get him just as he was beginning to wake up, and he was SO happy to see Momma. I was so tired last night, I went to bed at 9:00 and ZONKED. Which turned out to be a good thing, 'cause this morning, that little guy was a changed baby!!!! FULL OF VINEGAR!!!! It was wonderful to see him feeling so much better!!! He ate much better this morning, and was drinking again, and happily playing and entertaining the whole household.
Then this afternoon, he slept............ALOT. But get this: as I was folding laundry this afternoon, I heard him wake up via the baby monitor. He was just babbling, so I finished folding and then went in to get him. When I opened his door, his binky and his blanket and his Elmo and his "Larry" (his blanket buddy) were all on the floor in front of his crib. No biggie, he's done that before. So I picked them all up and stepped over to put them back in his crib, and the little booger is standing there with NO PANTS ON!! Just his diaper and his tee shirt. I was shocked. He started laughing out loud when I asked him what he did with his pants. I found them on the floor at the foot of his crib. I kept asking him how in the world he got his britches off, and he just kept laughing at me!!!! I don't mind it so much that he figured out how to get his pants off, since it is getting so warm out, but if he figures out how to get that diaper off, we are ALL going to be in a world of hurt!!! LOL That boy just LOVES to be naked! It's a struggle even now to get a diaper back on him when we change him! This could turn out to be very interesting!!
So I guess the only other thing going on is that Mom went to the doctor today, and I'm happy to say she is having trouble with allergies. I was quite nervous, I'll admit, when she called this morning and said she didn't feel up to snuff. But we can handle allergies! Thank you, Lord, for it not being anything worse!
And that, my friends, brings you up to the minute. Again, I'm whooped tonight, so I think I'll find my pillow pretty soon. If today was any indication of what tomorrow will bring, I better get all the rest I can! That little guy wears me out! But I love it!!!!!!!!
You all have a good evening, and a great weekend. Hug and kiss the ones you love, and TELL them what they mean to you...........
Love to you all, and God's Blessings to each of you!

Difficult Days.......

Thank you, my dear friends, for all your phone calls, cards, and prayers over the last month. God has truely blessed me with the best of both family and friends! The poem on my previous blog was the poem that we had printed in my Daddy's funeral service pamphlet. We had the same poem printed in the pamphlet for my father-in-law, who passed away just 12 days after Daddy. It just seemed to fit both of them so perfectly, and I think they would both be pleased.

So where do I go from here? This journey has been and is going to be a long one, full of every emotion I've ever known, and some new ones I've never had before. And even though Beryl and I are sharing this journey together, they are each going to be quite different from one another, and this is another challenge for me. I have always been the one to lean on, the "rock" in the family, and now I need my own "rock", who for a long time now has been Beryl, but he simply can't be right now. There have been times already that I've felt a big meltdown coming on, and thinking I could have a good cry when he gets here, and then he gets here, and he is already in the middle of his own meltdown, so I suck it up, and try to help him through it. Then he leaves to go back to work, and I'm still struggling with my own emotions, which makes me angry, which makes me feel guilty, and, well, you can see the pattern for yourself. And before you ask, let me answer the obvious question: I'm scared to let myself cry when I'm alone. I'm afraid I'd never stop. The timeline for me is the most difficult, I think. Max (my father-in-law) entered the hospital the night before Daddy died, and so I literally went from Daddy's funeral to Max's bedside, and stayed with him until he passed. I never got to "let down" in between. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to have been there for Max, and am SO pleased that Beryl decided to bring his Dad home with Hospice, too, and was honored to be his caregiver in his final days, but somewhere in the middle of it all, I feel like I lost a part of who I am, and how I approach and handle my own personal grief, and now I don't know where to find "me" again. And I'm terrified to know that the "me" that once was is changed forever. All I can do now is to pray for God to give me the strength (again), and have faith that He will.

I Miss You, Daddy.

Come To Me

God saw you were getting tired,
And a cure was not to be,
So he put his arms around you
And whispered, "Come to Me."
With tearful eyes we watched you,
And saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Hello to all my blogging buddies out there!
I pray this finds you all happy and feeling well. It's been a whirlwind kind of week again, I've been through the whole scope of emotions. Let's see.......to begin with, I received a call from my daughter last Thursday morning.......EARLY. The poor thing was so horribly sick, and Rick was still at work, and she needed help!! I got there as soon as I could, (which wasn't fast enough for ME), and got James up and dressed him, ran to the store for Sprite, and then got her settled on the couch, and left. My heart was breaking, wanting to stay and care for her, but knowing that James didn't need to be exposed to anything. My Mom came over for her weekly play day with James, so I was able to go over and check on her later. By that time, Rick was home, and I felt much better knowing she wasn't alone. At this point, Heather really thought she had a case of food poisoning.......ICK!!! She called me around 4:00 that afternoon, and said she was feeling a bit better, but certainly not good. I took James home that evening, and stayed with them till he went to bed that night. Rick didn't have to work that night, so again, she wasn't alone. Friday morning she felt better, but very woozy and weak, and SORE! She stayed home from work again, so I didn't have James that day. WELL,........by 10:30 that night, I called HER, and asked if she had any Sprite left! My sweet baby girl brought me the Sprite, along with Gatorade, and some saltines. Guess it wasn't food poisioning after all! So Friday night all night long was, well, as ugly as Thursday had been for Heather. I finally got to get some sleep around the crack of dawn the next morning. So Saturday was just a sleepy, sore, icky day. I prayed the whole time for nobody else to get it!!!! The thought of James being THAT sick, when he was still fighting off his first cold had me gripped in fear.
But THANK YOU, LORD, he never came down with it. And neither has anyone else. My diet still consists mostly of Gatorade and crackers, although I did manage a small bowl of tomato soup today at lunch.
Unfortunately, during all of this, Beryl's Dad took a serious turn for the worse. He is now living in his own world all the time, and doesn't really know anyone anymore. And he was in so much pain, and unable to tell us exactly where he hurt. Beryl called me Saturday night, and asked my opinion about some pain pills that his Mom had used awhile back. I told him to try them, and if they didn't work, then it was time to go to the hospital. They worked pretty well, and Dad was able to get some sleep that night, as well as the rest of the household. Sunday morning, he seemed to be just a bit better, but still refused to eat anything, and was still asking Beryl to take him home.........heartbreaking.
So I rode part way around the wells with Beryl that morning, and then we had to go to town to get his Mom some more cough medicine, and I made a mad dash through the store to pick up a few gift items for Easter, not knowing if I would get another chance. Then we came home, and worked on the house, starting to get things in order, as we have decided to use my house for the family gathering if and when Dad goes "home". He left here fairly early, and I stayed up working on the house till late in the night. On Monday morning, he called me in tears, asking if I could come over and help care for Dad. So I called my Mom, and she came over to stay with James, and off to the farm I flew. Dad was so out of it, and we were almost out of pain pills, and Beryl and his Mom were SO tired and emotionally spent. I went in and sat on the floor at Dad's feet, (he spends all his time in his reclining/lift chair), and reached up and took his hand in mine, and began to pray. As I was looking up into his sweet face, he opened his eyes, and smiled at me. "Oh, you made it", he said, and I said "Yes, Dad, I'm right here, what can I do for you?" Now, he didn't even know I was coming over, and to be honest, he didn't REALLY even know who I was, but he was able to tell me that he was hot, so I got his ice pack and put it around his neck, and he settled right down and went to sleep. He slept off and on for several hours, and I stayed the day with him, and Beryl was able to make a flying dash around his wells, and come back home. After talking to Beryl, I called the Doctor again, and explained the situation, and he called in a prescription for the pain pills for us. THANK YOU, LORD! We are all in agreement that all that can be done now is to keep Dad as comfortable and pain free as possible. And now, low and behold, he actually agreed to eat a little bit today! He still doesn't know who he's eating WITH, but that's O.K.!! I just pray that we can continue to control his pain.
SO, after 4 long days of hardly getting to see my little love bug, I was really looking forward to today! I NEEDED my baby! And I think he must have missed me, too, cause the lovin' and kissin' that went on here today was fierce!!!
LOL. We just had the best time, playing, and kissing, and reading books, and kissing, and acting silly, and did I mention how kissy he was? And it turned out to be a BIG day for us! Heather had told me that he started to pull himself up to his knees on Sunday. WELL, this morning, as he started to wake up from his nap, I just hung around outside his room, to see what would happen. He always just plays and babbles for a little while when he wakes up, before he wants out of bed. So I just sat down here in my computer chair, where I could see straight into his room, and watched and waited.........and sure enough, after a couple of minutes, I could see his little hand reach up and grab the rail of his crib............and then the other hand..........and after working on it a bit, the most precious face in the world popped up and looked out over the end of the crib!!!
He looked right at me and just SMILED!!!! He was SO proud! The whole world looked different to him, and you could see his little wheels turning at least 100 miles an hour!!! He was giggling, and I was bawling! Where has my little baby gone, and when did this "big boy" get here? So I went in to get him, and he chose that precise moment to get extremely, violently, kissy with me! I mean, grab both sides of my face, and just smother my whole face with open-mouthed, slobbery, sweet kisses that just made me laugh out loud!!!! So then we had to do the "happy dance" in honor of his newest achievement, which made us BOTH laugh!!! As if that wasn't a big enough "first", he had yet another one in store for me! We were having a standoff over him not bothering the floor fan again, (which he KNOWS is a no-no!), and after moving him away from it at least 4 times right in a row, he went RIGHT back to it AGAIN!! This time I picked him up, and said "Gammo told you NO", and sat him in the middle of his "playpen". At which point he looked directly at me, and shook his tiny little hand at me and said plain as day....."NO". In one split second I thought to myself...."you can't faint, and you can't laugh, and you CAN'T do the happy dance". LOL. What do you do? Inside, I was ROLLING, but I never let him catch on to it! And he must have got it through his head, cause he didn't try it again............but tomorrow is another day! So with that happy thought, I will leave you kind folks to go get some sleep. If I don't get back to post again before this weekend, I pray that each of you have a blessed Easter, and that you remember to thank our risen Saviour for shedding his blood for each of us.
God's Blessings to you all!

Stretched too thin

Good Evening, and God's Blessings to each of you.
I've not posted in some time, and to be honest, the days since my last post are all a jumbled blur. So much going on in so many different places, and I never know which direction to go. So many of my dear loved ones have been and are still sick, and I feel the need in my heart to help everyone all at once, and simply cannot be everywhere at one time. Beryl and both of his folks are very sick, and we finally got his Mom into the Dr. yesterday. I explained the situation at home, and he even called in some meds for Dad. They are both on antibiotics now, and a cough syrup with codeine. I was so in hopes and praying that the codeine would bring much needed sleep to the whole household, but it didn't happen. Mom still coughed all night, and Dad still talked out of his head all night. Beryl has been up since 12:30 last night, and is so exhausted, he fell asleep at the table today at lunch. Just sitting there eating his swiss steak, and stopped moving! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! This worries me SO much, afraid that he will go to sleep while driving, or get hurt while working on an oil well. We had a LONG talk today about everything that's going on, and the truth is, he needs your prayers. He FINALLY admitted that he knows that Dad is most likely in his final days, and for those of you who don't know Beryl, THIS IS HUGE!!!!! We started making plans for "when the time comes", and I pray now that it will bring some peace to his heart and soul. He is such a loving, tenderhearted man, and is trying so hard to hang on to the active, vibrant Father that he's had all his life, and the truth is, THAT man just is no longer there. The Father that Beryl is clinging to has been gone for almost 2 years now, and to admit it was a giant step forward for him. My heart aches for him and the pain he is feeling, and I ask again for you to keep the whole situation in your prayers, please.
My little Cooter-bug still isn't back to his usual self. He just doesn't feel very good, and will NOT eat any solid food, and we have to coax him to even drink.
Although today he drank much better than yesterday! And today, he had a mild meltdown on me for the first time. He just didn't feel good, and started crying, which made his little nose run, which set off his coughing, which made him mad, which made him scream, which hurt his throat,..................which all lasted for about 20 minutes or so, and then..........POOF! He just quit!!! So we giggled and cuddled for a couple of minutes, and I put him back down in his crib, and he zonked immediately...............for almost two and a half hours. (At which point Gammo had to go out on the front porch and have her OWN meltdown!) When he next woke, he was just fine, and we had the best time, we even went outdoors and sat on the front porch and watched the birds and the squirrels, and the people out walking, and the kids across the street at the playground, and learned to wave at the cars that drove by. I hated for it to end. We were still out there when his Momma got here, and he was so happy to see her, as usual. I so wish today's weather was here to stay, but it turns cool again already tomorrow. G-pa bought him a special baby swing to hang in the tree, and we are SO anxious to get it put up!!!! I can't wait to catch it on my new digital camera!!!!
So with that, I think I will quit for now, and get this tired old body to bed. LOL.
I will try to post more often, and hopefully get to put some pictures on here soon.
Thank You for spending time with me, and Thank you in advance for your prayers. You are each such a blessing to me, and I thank God every night in MY prayers for all of you!! God Bless!!!

Bring on the Springtime!

O.K., people, let's all band together and think our most positive thoughts to get on with the business of SPRING!!!! This past weekend was nothing short of CRAZY! Friday was beautiful, with the sun shining and nice warm temps, then Saturday was warm, but the wind was miserable! Sunday started out warm, but still windy, and by noon the thunder started rolling, and then came the POURING rains, and the wind switched to the north and the temp dropped 18 degrees in 30 minutes! BRRRR! The rain poured all afternoon, and by early evening, there were reports of tornados in the southern part of the state, and after dark, I saw a few snowflakes! All in one day. God's awesome power at work, for sure!
Speaking of God's awesome power, I am so happy, no, .......THRILLED that my dear friend Lora is feeling better. What a scarey episode she's been through! I visited with her today via e-mails, and come to find out, it was even worse than we were being told. Thank You, Sweet Jesus for seeing her through it!!! Please keep her in your prayers, everyone, as she still has a LONG row to hoe!
My precious little James will be 10 months old tomorrow, and I, for one, am in awe of how fast this first year is closing in on us. He is learning new things every day, and since he started crawling, the pace around here has sure picked up, lemme tell ya'!!! LOL He brings more joy into this house each and every day, and continues to amaze me with all his antics. He is mimmicking nearly everything he hears, and we are working on saying new words. And his sense of humor is absolutely hysterical. I just love to hear him laugh.....sweet music to my ears!
O.K., my blogging friends, now it's your turn to do some up-dating, and catching up. I want to hear all the latest from all of you. Thanks for checking in on me, and God Bless each of you.............real BIG!!!!