Everywhere

Tell me, please, why it is,
That after they're gone.....
Suddenly, everywhere you look,
There they are.............

LOOK, GAMMO, NO PANTS!!!

Good evening to you all! It has been quite hectic around here, so I've not posted in almost a week. I think things are beginning to calm down now, let me see if I can bring you up to date.
Last weekend Beryl and I just needed to get away for a day and do something new, so Sunday he left early for work, and made a flying dash around all of his wells. No problems there, so we headed for Wichita, to the Kansas Colliseum to take in the flea market. FUN! HUGE! But FUN! We spent most of the day there, and found some "treasures". Then we took a new route out of town, and were amazed at how things have changed! The houses and businesses that have sprung up EVERYWHERE! I'm SO glad to live in a small town! Then we went to the cemetery to visit Daddy's gravesite. I hadn't been there since the day of his funeral. Needless to say, I had a major meltdown. NOW it was real. I'm glad Beryl was with me, even though it was hard on him. I needed the wake-up call to force me to begin to move forward. But the strange thing is.........I still don't remember being there the day of the funeral. Maybe someday it will all come back to me, I hope so. But for now my mind must be protecting my heart,
that's the only thing I can think of. Then we went to Mom's and took her out for supper. We had such a good time with her, she and Beryl are such buddies, and
it felt good to act silly again.
Monday was back to the grind again, and by now, I can feel myself getting a sinus headache. Heather and James were still not feeling well. Heather was getting better, but my little baby just didn't feel good. Tuesday was the same thing. Mom was here to spend the day with us, and James acted better, but his little nose was still running like a faucet. I was supposed to go to a baby shower that evening, but still had my headache, so I decided not to go. Good thing, 'cause almost as soon as Heather got home with James that evening, she called me in tears, asking if I could come over there and keep James while they went to the hospital to see a good friend of theirs that had a massive heart attack, and wasn't doing well at all. Of course, I went, and James and I hung out for a bit, and then he got so fussy, so I gave him some tylenol, and rocked him to sleep. I just sat in the rocker for the longest time, holding him, and humming to him. He doesn't let you rock him very often, just when he doesn't feel good, so I just took the opportunity to enjoy it while I could. Then on Wednesday, he just wasn't himself at all. He wouldn't eat OR drink, and felt so lousy, so I called Heather, and she called his doctor, and, of course, they wanted to see him. No problem, right? WRONG!! By then it was POURING down rain, and small hail, and the lightning was CRAZY!! Beryl was here with us, since he couldn't work in the storms, so we started watching the radar, and finally caught a break and headed to the doctors office. I'm so very thankful that he was here to drive us........it was still pouring, and James needed some attention. But we made it, and found out he has his first ear infection. So we went to get his medicine, and came home, and got him started on it, and he finally went down for a nap. Heather got here to get him just as he was beginning to wake up, and he was SO happy to see Momma. I was so tired last night, I went to bed at 9:00 and ZONKED. Which turned out to be a good thing, 'cause this morning, that little guy was a changed baby!!!! FULL OF VINEGAR!!!! It was wonderful to see him feeling so much better!!! He ate much better this morning, and was drinking again, and happily playing and entertaining the whole household.
Then this afternoon, he slept............ALOT. But get this: as I was folding laundry this afternoon, I heard him wake up via the baby monitor. He was just babbling, so I finished folding and then went in to get him. When I opened his door, his binky and his blanket and his Elmo and his "Larry" (his blanket buddy) were all on the floor in front of his crib. No biggie, he's done that before. So I picked them all up and stepped over to put them back in his crib, and the little booger is standing there with NO PANTS ON!! Just his diaper and his tee shirt. I was shocked. He started laughing out loud when I asked him what he did with his pants. I found them on the floor at the foot of his crib. I kept asking him how in the world he got his britches off, and he just kept laughing at me!!!! I don't mind it so much that he figured out how to get his pants off, since it is getting so warm out, but if he figures out how to get that diaper off, we are ALL going to be in a world of hurt!!! LOL That boy just LOVES to be naked! It's a struggle even now to get a diaper back on him when we change him! This could turn out to be very interesting!!
So I guess the only other thing going on is that Mom went to the doctor today, and I'm happy to say she is having trouble with allergies. I was quite nervous, I'll admit, when she called this morning and said she didn't feel up to snuff. But we can handle allergies! Thank you, Lord, for it not being anything worse!
And that, my friends, brings you up to the minute. Again, I'm whooped tonight, so I think I'll find my pillow pretty soon. If today was any indication of what tomorrow will bring, I better get all the rest I can! That little guy wears me out! But I love it!!!!!!!!
You all have a good evening, and a great weekend. Hug and kiss the ones you love, and TELL them what they mean to you...........
Love to you all, and God's Blessings to each of you!

Difficult Days.......

Thank you, my dear friends, for all your phone calls, cards, and prayers over the last month. God has truely blessed me with the best of both family and friends! The poem on my previous blog was the poem that we had printed in my Daddy's funeral service pamphlet. We had the same poem printed in the pamphlet for my father-in-law, who passed away just 12 days after Daddy. It just seemed to fit both of them so perfectly, and I think they would both be pleased.

So where do I go from here? This journey has been and is going to be a long one, full of every emotion I've ever known, and some new ones I've never had before. And even though Beryl and I are sharing this journey together, they are each going to be quite different from one another, and this is another challenge for me. I have always been the one to lean on, the "rock" in the family, and now I need my own "rock", who for a long time now has been Beryl, but he simply can't be right now. There have been times already that I've felt a big meltdown coming on, and thinking I could have a good cry when he gets here, and then he gets here, and he is already in the middle of his own meltdown, so I suck it up, and try to help him through it. Then he leaves to go back to work, and I'm still struggling with my own emotions, which makes me angry, which makes me feel guilty, and, well, you can see the pattern for yourself. And before you ask, let me answer the obvious question: I'm scared to let myself cry when I'm alone. I'm afraid I'd never stop. The timeline for me is the most difficult, I think. Max (my father-in-law) entered the hospital the night before Daddy died, and so I literally went from Daddy's funeral to Max's bedside, and stayed with him until he passed. I never got to "let down" in between. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to have been there for Max, and am SO pleased that Beryl decided to bring his Dad home with Hospice, too, and was honored to be his caregiver in his final days, but somewhere in the middle of it all, I feel like I lost a part of who I am, and how I approach and handle my own personal grief, and now I don't know where to find "me" again. And I'm terrified to know that the "me" that once was is changed forever. All I can do now is to pray for God to give me the strength (again), and have faith that He will.

I Miss You, Daddy.

Come To Me

God saw you were getting tired,
And a cure was not to be,
So he put his arms around you
And whispered, "Come to Me."
With tearful eyes we watched you,
And saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.